You’ve probably seen the five love languages before, whether it’s on an online dating profile, a glossy magazine, or a viral TikTok video.
The theory behind it, created by American couples counselor Gary Chapman, claims that there are five “languages” that romantic partners use to communicate their love. It’s words of affirmation, quality time, gifts, acts of service, and physical touch. According to Chapman, problems in relationships can be caused by not communicating in the same “love language.”
But is there any science behind this theory? Do couples need to have compatible love languages to be happy?
“There’s no psychological evidence to suggest they actually exist,” he says Dr. Martin Graf, an academic psychologist who studies the psychology of romantic relationships. “If you look at it, [the theory] Intuitively it seems very plausible, and there are one or two studies that might support this whole concept a little bit, but there isn’t much scientific support for this idea. “
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Although there is no evidence to fully support Chapman’s five languages, various theories of relationship behavior suggest that the following may be the case. three, Six or Seven One of them. It is also unlikely that there is only one preference. Sometimes they want physical touch, but in other situations they want to spend quality time with their partner.
Moreover, we are not always good at knowing which language we want. In one 2013 study, participants selected the love language they felt most applicable to themselves and answered a series of questions designed to elicit their language preferences. of language. However, the relationship between People said what their preferred language was, but the answer didn’t matter: For example, someone might say that their love language is “physical touch,” but say they feel more loved when their partner gives them a gift.
This same study also found no significant results when researchers compared language-matched and language-matched couples and their relationship satisfaction. Sharing a love language doesn’t necessarily make you happy (Another study in 2017 came to the same conclusion.).
However, similar relationships yield better results. If you have a conflict over values or handle the conflict in completely different ways; less likely to report relationship satisfaction.
“We’ve found that romantic couples who share similar core values, such as ethical views, political views, and the way they raise their children, tend to be more compatible,” Graf says.
So “birds of a feather flock together” is a better expression of what we look for in a long-term partner than “opposites attract.” But when we asked a sample of more than 1,600 couples about their personalities, we found that No association was found between similarity and overall life satisfaction. Given that our romantic relationships are influenced by other things that affect our life satisfaction and happiness, it’s clear that similarity alone is not enough to guarantee a happy relationship (or life). Of course.
Despite the lack of evidence to support or disprove Chapman’s theory, it’s still helpful to think about your own wants and needs in a relationship and talk about it with your partner. We often fall prey to cognitive biases known as “cognitive biases.” false consensus effectwhere we assume that others act and want the same things as we do.
Our preferences can change over time. What you consider important in a relationship today may seem superficial in 20 years. In the past, marrying for love may not have been as important as marrying for financial security; Love is now at the top of the list for most people.
About our experts
Dr Martin Graf is a Senior Lecturer in Psychology at the University of South Wales, UK. His main research interests are the psychology of romantic relationships, online dating, and social media. His research has been published in the following journals: technology, mind, behavior, nova science and Cyberpsychology, behavior, and social networking.
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Source: www.sciencefocus.com
