How can we have better conversations?
Let’s first define a “better” conversation as one that maximizes agreement between both parties while minimizing friction, misunderstandings, and repetition. Some people are naturally good conversationalists, while others are not. My role is to observe conversations in their natural settings and analyze them to identify effective communication strategies.
What makes a good communicator?
I believe good communicators are also skilled listeners. They are attentive to the other person’s needs and respond accordingly, creating space for productive contributions. My colleague, Rein Sikveland, and I study police crisis negotiations, where effective communication can be a matter of life and death. Good negotiators know how to give individuals in crisis the space to make their own decisions.
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Is there anything I should avoid?
Avoid starting conversations with provocative or aggressive statements. For instance, a neighbor who points out your weaknesses right away can make you feel targeted or victimized. Instead, try breaking the tension by greeting the other person with a simple “hello.”
Need to know:
- Avoid starting conversations with offensive remarks.
- Be courteous to cold callers or choose not to answer unknown numbers.
- Differentiate between important and unimportant discussions and avoid sweating the small stuff.
How should I respond to cold calls?
Remember, cold callers have a tough job and often face rejection. Show compassion by being brief but polite. If you receive a call from an unknown number, you can opt not to answer or inquire early on if it’s a sales call.
What techniques can help you win an argument?
Prioritize important arguments over trivial ones and embrace healthy disagreements as opportunities for growth. When disagreeing, try to find common ground while expressing your own opinion. This approach maintains respect for both perspectives.
How can we silence people?
Signal your intent to intervene by pausing and making a slight sound like “um…” This signifies that you want to contribute to the conversation while also allowing the other person a chance to speak. Most individuals will recognize your cue to speak.
- This article was first BBC Science Focus June 2019
About our experts
Elizabeth Stokoe, British social scientist and conversation analyst, currently serves as a professor of psychology and behavioral sciences at the London School of Economics and Political Science.
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Source: www.sciencefocus.com
