Striving for self-esteem is a common goal for many of us – having a positive view of ourselves and being proud of who we are. It’s natural to feel uncomfortable and want to avoid comments and experiences that undermine your self-esteem.
However, the challenge lies in the fact that whether your self-esteem is truly damaged is largely subjective. Much of it depends on how you perceive what someone says or does.
If you tend to take things personally, you may interpret situations as a reflection of something significant and negative about yourself. For example, if your boss critiques your sales report, you might feel like they see you as an inferior employee.
Or if your friends cancel plans, you might interpret it as them being tired of your company. Psychologists refer to this idea as “personalization.”
But in reality, your boss may hold you in high regard but simply wanted to help you improve by pointing out mistakes in your report. Similarly, your friends’ cancellation could be due to circumstances unrelated to you.
Another common psychological process at play in such situations is mind-reading, where we assume what others think of us without confirming it directly.
To avoid personalization and mind-reading, challenge negative beliefs about the situation and consider alternative interpretations that are less focused on yourself.
Empathy plays a crucial role in understanding others’ perspectives. Your boss’s feedback indicates a desire to help you grow, and your friends’ canceled plans might have innocuous reasons. Put yourself in their shoes and consider the alternate viewpoints.
Pride in oneself is essential, but the form it takes matters. Instead of seeking “humble pride” based on inherent exceptionalism, focus on “genuine pride” rooted in efforts, goodwill, and achievements. This shift in perspective can reduce sensitivity to taking things personally.
This article answers the question, “How do I stop taking things personally?”
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