Dad jokes are humorous puns and phrases that fathers worldwide just can’t resist sharing whenever they have the opportunity. These jokes are eye-rollingly corny, family-friendly, and designed to make kids laugh (and everyone else groan).
If you ask your family, they may claim that dad jokes are inherently terrible and not worth repeating. But if you’ve just searched for “best dad jokes,” we both know that secretly you think these jokes are actually pretty great, despite how bad they are. I see you.
So whether you want to entertain your children, irritate your least favorite relative, or put together the world’s worst stand-up routine, we’ve got the perfect one-liners for you. Impress (or annoy) your loved ones by eliciting eye rolls with the funniest and best dad jokes now.
101 of the best dad jokes
- When does a joke become a dad joke? When it becomes apparent
- What is the cloud wearing? Thunder wear.
- Can February turn into March? No, but April and May.
- Why not buy one with Velcro? It’s a total rip-off
- What did the fish say when it hit the wall? Dam
- Have you heard about the claustrophobic astronaut? He just needed some space.
- Have you heard about the actor who broke his leg on stage? He’s still on the cast
- Have you ever heard that oxygen dated potassium? It was a match
- What did the police officer say to Navel? You’re under the vest
- What is the witch’s favorite subject in school? Spelling.
- Why did the zombie take a nap? He was dead tired.
- Have you ever heard of two rowboats getting into an argument? It was an all-deal
- What is the easiest building to lift? Lighthouse
- I was a baker but couldn’t make enough dough
- Why did the scarecrow win the award? Because he was outstanding in his field
- What did biologists wear to impress on dates? Designer genes
- Did you hear about our camping trip? It was in-tents
- Why don’t scientists trust atoms? Because they make up everything
- What did the evil chicken give birth to? Deviled egg
- How do you make holy water? Boil it thoroughly
- What do you call a fish without eyes? Fsh
- How does a person on the moon cut his hair?
- Have you heard about the restaurant on the moon? Great food, no atmosphere
- Why was six afraid of seven? Because seven eight nine
- What do you call an illegally parked frog? Toad
- Which day is the strongest? Saturday and Sunday. Other days are just weak days
- You can make jokes about pizza, but they’re pretty cheesy
- What do you call a sheep on a trampoline? Wool jumper
- Every morning I declare to my family that I’m going for a jog, but I never actually go… Just kidding.
- Why do astronauts use Linux? Because they can’t open windows in space.
- I’m currently reading Bill Jerome Holmes’ book on DIY home construction.
- Why do people always bring a spare pair of socks when playing golf? They don’t want a hole-in-one
- Time flies like an arrow, fruit flies like a banana
- What is the most relaxing element? Bromine
- Why don’t skeletons fight each other? They have no guts
- I’m reading a book about sandpaper… It’s a gripping read
- Why were scientists disappointed with the results of the new weapons experiments? They bombed
- Have you ever heard of the man who was scared of hurdles? He got over it
- What did you say when the earthquake ended? Sorry, it’s my fault!
- What would Yoda say when he saw himself in 4K? HDMI
- What is an astronaut’s favorite part of a computer? Spacebar
- What is brown and sticky? A stick
- What did the police officer say to Navel? You’re under the vest
- What did you say when the grapes were crushed? Nothing, just a little whine
- Two peanuts were walking down the street. One was a salted
- Peanut was sitting on the railroad tracks and his heart was pounding. 5:15 passed in a blink, Too Too! peanut butter
- I don’t trust those trees. They seem a bit shady
- I always thought orthopedic shoes were overrated, but I think they’ve corrected that.
- There’s a joke about a broken clock, but it’s not the right time
- There’s a joke about chemistry, but it doesn’t seem to get a reaction.
- What happened when the world champion of tongue twisters was arrested? They gave him a harsh sentence
- To the person who invented zero – thank you for everything
- Geology may be rocky, but geography matters
- Why is the ocean so salty? Because the land never waves back
- How do you throw a party in space? You planet
- Why can’t leopards hide? They’re always spotted
- Why couldn’t the beaver go home? It couldn’t find the dam door.
- What’s your secret to always keeping it real? Gravity
- What do you call the goldfish that came in third place? A bronze fish
- You can’t trust stairs…They’re always up to something.
- What time did the man go to the dentist? Tooth-hurty
- How do you get Pikachu on a bus? Poke him on
- Why does everyone wear tank tops in America? They have the right to bare arms
- What kind of jewelry do you wear when you don’t have a neck? Headless
- Have you heard about the cheese factory explosion? There was nothing left but De Brie?
- I just got kicked out of my local park for arranging squirrels by height… The squirrels didn’t like the size of my nuts.
- What do you call a dinosaur who knows a lot of words? Thesaurus
- The doctor told me I would lose my hearing…It was a difficult pill to swallow.
- I had to return the vacuum cleaner… It sucked.
- I used to be addicted to soap, but I’m clean now.
- What do spies do when it’s cold? They go undercover
- What do you call someone allergic to lactose? Lactose intolerant
- What do you call a fish wearing a tie? Sophishicated
- Doctor, there’s an invisible man in the waiting room. Tell him I can’t see him
- What is an astronaut’s favorite chocolate? Mars Bar
- Why did mushrooms become popular? They’re a fungi
- Why do trees have so many friends? They like to branch out
- Where does bad light end up? In the prism
- I’d tell you another chemistry joke but all the good ones Argon
- I sued the airport for losing my luggage…I lost my case.
- Why did the chemistry teacher go to the sea? To test the waters.
- Why are meteors so beautiful? They always make a splash
- Why aren’t guilty pandas caught? They eat, shoot, and leaf
- Why are teddy bears never hungry? They’re always stuffed
- Why don’t eggs tell jokes? They might crack up
- Why don’t crabs donate to charity? Because they’re shellfish
- When does a joke become a dad joke? When it becomes apparent
- Mountains aren’t just funny, they’re hill areas
- What did the janitor say when he jumped out of the closet? Supplies!
- Why can’t bicycles stand up on their own? They’re two tired
- I used to play the piano by ear, now I use my hands and fingers.
- I only know 25 letters of the alphabet. I don’t know y
- What do you call fake spaghetti? Impasta.
- Why did the physics teacher break up with the biology teacher? There was no chemistry.
- What is a physicist’s favorite snack? Fission chips
- My dog doesn’t have a nose. How does he smell? Terrible
- How do mathematicians cultivate their fields? With a protractor.
- I told my wife she should embrace her mistakes. She hugged me
- I’m on a whiskey diet. I’ve already lost three days.
- Why did the doctor have a red pen in case he needed to draw blood?
If that wasn’t enough dad jokes for you, then check out our list of amazing fun facts that will keep you smiling from ear to ear.
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Source: www.sciencefocus.com
