Many of us aim for self-esteem, a positive self-view, and pride in ourselves. It’s normal to feel uneasy and want to avoid comments and situations that undermine our self-esteem.
However, the issue lies in the fact that the extent of damage to our self-esteem is largely subjective. Much of it hinges on how we perceive what others say or do.
If we take things personally, we tend to interpret these situations as reflections of our worth as individuals. For example, if our boss overlooks a mistake in our sales report, we might think she sees us as a poor employee.
Similarly, if friends cancel plans, we might assume they’re tired of us. Psychologists call this tendency “personalization.”
In reality, our boss might hold a high opinion of us and is simply pointing out mistakes for improvement. And if friends cancel, there could be legitimate reasons unrelated to us.
Another common phenomenon, termed “mind reading” by psychologists, occurs when we assume we know what others think of us without direct communication.
To avoid personalization and mind reading, challenge negative beliefs about situations. Try to consider alternate interpretations that don’t revolve solely around you.
Empathize by considering the other person’s perspective. Your boss may be offering feedback to help you grow, and your friends’ actions may have reasons unrelated to you.
Pride can take different forms. Instead of seeking validation through exceptionalism, focus on genuine pride in your efforts and achievements. This shift can make you less sensitive to personal slights.
This article addresses the question, “How do I stop taking things personally?”
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