Self-sabotage (also called “self-handicapping” by psychologists) is intentionally doing something that can harm your chances of success. academic ability testperformance at work, sportsor relationships.
For example, let’s say you intentionally don’t rehearse your work presentation. Or let’s say you have a running race coming up and you decide not to train for it. In a relationship, you might start ignoring your partner’s texts, even if you’re happy with the relationship.
In all these cases, behaving this way may sound strange and self-defeating. However, research suggests that there is a logic to self-destruction. It’s something people often do as a way to protect their self-esteem and reduce their fear of failure or abandonment.
For example, let’s say you deliberately fail to prepare for a presentation at work, and as a result, your presentation goes very poorly. The reason for your failure may be that you didn’t prepare, rather than the presentation saying something fundamental about you as a person or your skills. Similarly, if you come in last in a running race, you can ignore your misfortune and attribute it to not training at all.
If you ignore your partner’s messages, and they decide to break up with you, you can take that rejection not as a sign that they don’t like you anymore, but as a sign that you’ve been ignoring them. You can blame the facts. Or choose to go out with someone else.
In other words, self-sabotage is a way to protect your ego by having the perfect excuse in case of failure or rejection.
People who fear failure or have low self-esteem are more likely to engage in this type of self-sabotage. In the short term, it may make you feel better about yourself, and it’s a way to protect your image in the eyes of others. However, this is not a recommended strategy. Because in the long run, of course, it’s going to be something like this. increase the likelihood of failure or rejection.
How to stop self-sabotage
If you really want to give a good presentation, you better prepare. I should have trained to win the race. And if you really want to be with your partner, you shouldn’t make them angry by ignoring their messages.
If you’re stuck in a habit of self-sabotage, it will take time to break it, but a healthier approach is within reach. One useful strategy is the so-called “Master Mindset”This includes viewing challenges as opportunities to learn and improve, rather than as deep judgments about your unique skills and worth. If you give your best at a work presentation or a running race and it doesn’t go perfectly, think about how you can do it better next time.
Another helpful strategy is to practice. self-pityThis includes treating yourself with the same kindness you would treat a close friend or relative, and recognizing that your worth does not depend on any particular opinion or outcome of a relationship.
If you feel close to a romantic partner, get used to that feeling of vulnerability and know that even if the relationship ends someday, it doesn’t mean you are inherently broken or unlovable. Remind yourself.
read more:
- Will being too kind hinder your life?
- Why some people don’t feel shame, according to psychologists
- The Ultimate Anxiety Guide: The 6 Biggest Questions About Anxiety Answered by Psychologists
- Why do I always cry when I watch movies on a plane?
Asked by: Samantha Osborne via email
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