How Your Partner May Be Disturbing Your Sleep Without You Knowing

If you share a bed with your partner, it’s common to experience more nighttime awakenings than if you sleep solo. While many of these disturbances are fleeting and forgotten by morning, there are effective strategies to address them.

Research indicates that couples often believe they sleep better together, yet studies show that shared sleeping leads to more disrupted sleep patterns. According to Sean Drummond from Monash University, Melbourne, this discrepancy is significant.

To delve deeper into co-sleeping’s effects on sleep quality, Lionel Rayward from the Queensland University of Technology conducted a systematic review. Every study reviewed indicated interference from a partner, with 30-46% of couples’ movements correlated. This means every time one partner adjusts — whether pulling back covers or rolling over — the other feels it too.

In one noteworthy study, researchers found an average of 51 leg movements per night for solo sleepers compared to 62 when coupled, translating to 2 additional awakenings per night, as detected by brain activity monitoring.

Drummond’s team also equipped couples with movement-detecting smartwatches, revealing an average of 6 awakenings per night due to partner movements. Interestingly, most individuals only recall one of these disturbances the next day, suggesting minor impact on overall sleep quality. “If both partners are healthy sleepers, these awakenings often go unnoticed,” Drummond explains.

However, if one partner suffers from snoring or insomnia, it can exacerbate sleep issues. As Drummond points out, “Individuals with insomnia frequently toss and turn, making it difficult to maintain a peaceful night’s sleep and consequently disrupting their partner’s rest.”

This sleep disturbance can lead to what some refer to as “sleep divorces,” where partners opt for separate sleeping arrangements to minimize disturbances. “While sleeping apart isn’t inherently harmful, some may view it as a relationship failure. In my view, addressing the underlying sleep issues is the better approach,” remarks Drummond.

For instance, Drummond’s research demonstrates that cognitive behavioral therapy (CBT) can be highly effective, especially if both partners struggle with insomnia. Couples can attend sessions together, leading to improved sleep for both.

To resolve disputes over blankets or varying temperature preferences, Rayward suggests trying the “Scandinavian method,” which involves sharing the bed but using separate blankets.

Solutions for snoring include the use of continuous positive airway pressure (CPAP) machines to keep airways open, as well as mandibular advancement devices that adjust the jaw position, making breathing easier and reducing snoring. According to Amal Osman from Flinders University, many individuals only snore when sleeping on their backs, which can sometimes be mitigated by using a backpack to encourage side sleeping.

In the UK and US, about 80-90% of married couples share a bed, while in Japan, many mothers sleep with their children and fathers often sleep separately to not disturb their families in another room.

Co-sleeping is potentially the most prevalent form of sleep throughout human history, offering warmth and security. For example, archaeologists discovered a 77,000-year-old plant mattress in South Africa, large enough to accommodate an entire family.

Even in pre-industrial times, communal sleeping was standard practice. The Hadza people of Tanzania, for instance, sleep closely together in family units. Research indicates that Hadza adults awaken regularly; they engage in nighttime vigilance, with 40% often remaining alert or dozing at various times through the night. Despite these nightly awakenings, they report no sleep issues.

This suggests you shouldn’t be overly concerned about occasional disturbances from your partner. As Drummond notes, “Everyone wakes up several times a night. It’s unrealistic to expect continuous sleep.”