As the holiday season approaches, one reader is apprehensive about experiencing loneliness this Christmas. She notes it’s not about having a lack of friends or family, but rather the uncomfortable socializing at work parties and family gatherings that can feel isolating. “It feels like I’m the only one not enjoying myself,” she shares. “I’m not looking to be the life of the party, but when I’m grappling with my mental health, it becomes difficult to embrace the festive atmosphere. I end up feeling more alone than if I were just at home.”

The sensation of feeling disconnected, known in psychological terms as “Existential isolation,” can occur to anyone at any point in life. This concept is characterized by the sentiment that, even in a crowd, no one truly understands our feelings or perspectives. Individuals who exhibit high levels of existential isolation demonstrate an increased risk of developing conditions akin to depression and a slower response to treatment.

Interestingly, many individuals likely feel similarly, yet we perceive our struggles as isolating, often leading us to conceal our feelings and exacerbating our loneliness. This is why psychologists now advocate for cultivating a sense of “common humanity” during tough times. In essence, it’s the acknowledgment that others might share our struggles, allowing us to recognize we’re not alone in our challenges.

Building a sense of common humanity can clarify why “Peer support” groups, which bring together people facing similar challenges, are often effective in enhancing well-being. They can alleviate feelings of existential isolation and provide comfort, independent of the practical assistance they offer.

If you’re feeling alone this holiday season, simply reminding yourself that you’re not the only one experiencing this might help. It resonates with the essence of “Self-compassion.” Numerous online resources are available that can assist you through writing prompts and guided meditations.

Even better, consider breaking the silence and expressing how you feel, even if it feels uncomfortable. Research indicates you may find surprising responses from others. Studies examining the “Beautiful confusion effect” suggest that we often underestimate how people will react to sharing our issues. We fear being viewed as weak; however, individuals are often more inclined to open up about their own similar feelings.

What about those social events? There’s no obligation to attend every gathering—focus on those where you feel the most connected. A coffee chat with a trusted friend may provide more comfort than a large festive event. Christmas is a season of goodwill; start by channeling that kindness toward yourself.

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David Robson is an award-winning science writer and author of The Law of Connection: 13 Social Strategies That Will Change Your Life