If you’ve been active on TikTok lately, you might be familiar with the concept of bird inspection. In this test, one partner casually mentions something, like observing a bird outside, to gauge if the other is engaged. An enthusiastic response signals a positive connection; lack of interest might indicate underlying issues. It’s amusing, relatable, and resonates with many. This viral phenomenon reflects something intrinsic to relationships, as psychologists recognize the significance behind it.

For years, relationship scholars have maintained that love is found in these small interactions. We refer to these daily connections as “bids”: sharing a laugh, narrating a story, or simply saying, “Look at that!” Psychologist John Gottman conducted classic studies with newlyweds, revealing that partners strive for the low bid for connection. Other longitudinal research indicates that couples with more assertive responses during disagreements are more likely to remain stable and satisfied in the long term.

Additional studies highlight that responses in everyday moments significantly affect relationship health. For instance, research on newlyweds has shown that couples exhibit heightened playfulness and enthusiasm during brief dinner interactions, showcasing more humor and affection during discussions of conflicts. Longitudinal studies demonstrate that partners perceived as sensitive and affirming tend to become more physically affectionate over time, fostering intimacy through minor everyday gestures.

Ultimately, these small expressions of gratitude function as the adhesive in relationships. The bird test cleverly encapsulates a fundamental truth: small gestures of acknowledgment are significant. While each may feel inconsequential in isolation, their cumulative effect builds positive momentum, sustaining satisfaction and resilience in relationships.

However, isolating specific moments, especially those showcased on social media, can oversimplify relationship evaluations. The bird test transforms intricate dynamics into simple pass/fail moments, potentially leading to unnecessary worries and misplaced confidence. Partners might miss bids for reasons unrelated to commitment—perhaps they are fatigued, under stress, or simply disengaged. Misinterpreting fleeting moments as definitive judgments can lead to harmful conclusions: “They ignored the bird! Do they even love me?” Even worse, it can become a manipulation tool: “You didn’t respond. You aren’t attentive to me.” One-off reactions on an arbitrary day should not define the essence of a relationship.

The pressing question is why such “testing” has gained traction. In addition to bird inspections, we’ve witnessed a rise in activities like the orange peel theory—”Will your partner peel an orange without prompting?”—and the moon phase test, which claims to measure romantic compatibility based on birthdays and lunar cycles.

One reason for this trend may stem from the fluctuating landscape of dating. Dating apps provide an overwhelming array of potential partners, but research indicates that excessive options can make commitment feel riskier and less secure. This uncertainty impacts the formation of relationships, introducing ambiguity in expectations and leaving partners guessing about their feelings. A quick bird test offers immediate feedback—a fleeting visual cue followed by a simple answer.

Another factor is that, despite relationship science gaining popularity, its complexity has been lost. Nuanced insights from extensive observational studies are reduced to simple TikTok phrases: “Did they notice the bird?” At the same time, social media prioritizes highly emotional content, whether heartwarming or heart-wrenching snippets caught on camera. This attention economy encourages individuals to transform genuine relationships into public trials. In this context, viral tests flourish, providing dramatic, recordable moments of validation that can be shared and scrutinized.

So, what should couples take away from this trend? Bird testing, while playful, underscores the importance of responsiveness when a partner reaches out, even in minor ways, as the backbone of a healthy relationship. If this phenomenon inspires more curiosity, attention, and appreciation, then it can be viewed as a positive development. However, instead of asking, “Did my partner succeed in this test?” a more beneficial inquiry would be, “What patterns have emerged in our relationship? Are they consistently present? Do they feel acknowledged and valued?” Love is not defined by one solitary act, bird, or orange, but by the countless small moments when partners choose to be there for each other behind the scenes.

Despite everything, I must admit that for the sake of research, I may just have my husband partake in the bird test tonight. Wishing him the best of luck!

Emily Impett is a professor in the Department of Psychological and Brain Sciences and director of the Institute for Human Relations and Happiness at the University of Toronto Mississauga. Her research explores sacrifice, sexuality in long-term relationships, and changes within relationships.