Do you identify as an empathetic individual who prefers to stay out of the limelight? Have you found it challenging to articulate your own thoughts and feelings, often listening to others instead? Have you experienced a long-term relationship with a narcissist? If any of this resonates with you, you might be an echoist.

Echoism stands in contrast to extreme narcissism. Though this might seem favorable, a high degree of echoism can complicate one’s life significantly.

Echoists often do not perceive themselves as special and frequently neglect their own needs.

What is an echo?

Individuals with echoism typically shy away from or reject attention. They are deeply empathetic and attuned to the emotions of others, yet often engage in self-criticism and struggle with low self-esteem.

They may also be hesitant to express their own thoughts and feelings, often stemming from a fear of rejection and criticism.

The echoist might say, “I lead my life by the principle that the less attention I attract, the better.” Dr. Craig Malkin, author of Rethinking Narcissism.

“A defining characteristic of an echoist is a fear of appearing narcissistic in any way.”

But where does the term “echoist” originate? To grasp this, let’s look back at Greek mythology.

Echo is named after the mountain nymph who fell in love with a hunter named Narcissus. Echo was spurned by Narcissus, who was doomed to only repeat the last words spoken to her.

The term echoism symbolizes the loss of Echo’s voice and identity as depicted in mythology.

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Are narcissism and echoism linked?

Many echoists grow up with narcissistic parents or find themselves in relationships with narcissistic partners. Navigating the whims of a narcissist can take an emotional toll. Research indicates that living with a pathologically narcissistic partner or family member can be quite burdensome.

Malkin explains that, as a child, the echoist was often afraid of losing her mother if she did not appease her frequent outbursts of tears and anger. The fear of rejection from loved ones is a common trait among echoists.

Malkin also notes that echoists are often drawn to narcissists due to fears of burdening others or appearing inadequate. Being involved with someone who enjoys the spotlight can provide a sense of security for echoists.

However, echoism can emerge even in the absence of malicious narcissism, particularly if echoist parents instill phrases like “Don’t get a big head” or “Don’t show off.”

Continually absorbing these negative messages can foster a child’s disproportionate sense of shame, hindering their ability to take pride in their achievements.

While society tends to discourage prideful behavior in children (and adults), it is important to recognize that taking pride in accomplishments is crucial for developing the self-esteem that echoists often lack.

About our experts

Dr. Craig Malkin is a psychologist and lecturer in psychology at Harvard Medical School, USA, as well as an author. He has published two books: Rethinking Narcissism and Narcissist Test.

This article addresses the question from Helena Howard of Torkey: “How did living with a narcissist affect me?”

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