Would you prefer a partner who is attractive but plain, or someone who is appealing, even if you consider yourself less attractive? Your response may vary based on your gender. A study involving over 1,200 heterosexual adults in the U.S. revealed significant differences in how men and women choose between possessing certain traits themselves or seeking them in a partner.

“Men are inclined to compromise their own attractiveness for the sake of a very appealing partner, while the reverse is true for women,” Bill von Hippel from the Australian consultancy Research with Impact explained.

Von Hippel and his research team questioned participants about their preferences regarding six traits: wealth, beauty, ambition, humor, intelligence, and kindness, asking them how much of a disparity they would tolerate between their own traits and those of a partner. “It’s as if only supermodels are acceptable for dating, regardless of one’s own attractiveness,” von Hippel remarked.

In contrast to earlier studies, this research required participants to articulate their preferences. It revealed that the most notable difference between men and women lay in physical looks, while they were aligned in wishing to date partners possessing similar levels of kindness.

Generally, women perceived themselves as more attractive and intelligent, favoring men who are wealthier, more intriguing, and more ambitious, while men mainly preferred dating women who outshined them in beauty and wealth.

For instance, women rated the importance of their own beauty as 7.01 on an 11-point scale, whereas men assigned a value of 4.77 to their own looks. Conversely, men valued being interesting at 7.08, while women rated this trait at 5.81. A score below 6 indicates a greater desire for that trait in a partner than in oneself.

While Von Hippel acknowledged variations among individual responses, he stressed that the overall results were compelling. “This has a significant impact,” he remarked.

Lisa Welling, a professor at Oakland University in Rochester, Michigan, commented that this approach of forced choices is an intriguing way to reveal underlying preferences, though such constructs may lack relevance in genuine relationships. There’s also the question of whether individuals are considering short-term versus long-term partners, which “often holds significance,” she noted.

Steve Stewart-Williams from the University of Nottingham in Malaysia pointed out that while the findings are generally unsurprising, having participants make definitive choices may have clarified their true feelings. Previous research might have underestimated the breadth of gender differences in mate preferences due to measurement techniques, he opined. For instance, past studies may not have adequately accounted for the notion that individuals might wish for traits in themselves because they believe it could enhance their appeal to potential partners.

Von Hippel suggested that these findings are understandable from an evolutionary standpoint. Women carry the substantial biological responsibility of child-rearing and thus need to ensure prospective partners are capable of providing for their offspring, while men are evolutionarily driven to select for health and fertility in women.

Stewart-Williams believes the study may reflect evolutionary patterns in contemporary human populations, but cautioned that the research was limited to self-reported data from heterosexual individuals in the U.S., and it remains uncertain whether these conclusions apply more broadly.