Tag Archives: loves

Exploring Love’s Work: Insights from Psychoanalysis on Love and Heartbreak

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Psychoanalysts Can Aid Couples in Clarifying Relationship Concerns

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Labour of Love
Stephen Grosz (UK: Chatto & Windus, Available Now; US: Random House, February 10, 2026)

Psychoanalysts, with their deep understanding of human emotions, might seem to enjoy relationships devoid of the tumult that often impacts our romantic endeavors.

However, in his compelling memoir, Labour of Love, Grosz delves into over 40 years of discussions about love with his patients, observing the intricate web involving four of his colleagues. At first, Susan and Paul appear to be a blissfully married couple, just like Kora and Martin, until it’s revealed that Paul and Kora have maintained a secret affair for two years.

The ensuing critique strikes at the very essence of their profession. “I’ve never fully grasped what it means to be a psychoanalyst,” Susan confides to Kora. “I possess empathy, I care for others, I establish boundaries, I perceive reality. Avoid taking your friend’s husband.” For Susan, psychoanalysis seems to focus on accountability and self-regulation. Kora, on the other hand, believes her journey is about achieving complete self-awareness. To her, psychoanalysis serves the purpose of intentional self-discovery.

Grosz reflects on these paradoxes, arriving at ambiguous conclusions. He suggests that while psychoanalysis may target both objectives, neither should be a primary aim. “It benefits the patient and enhances her well-being. However, these goals may obscure the hidden desire to restrict the patient’s freedom,” he states. Psychoanalysts enable their patients to gain insights into their minds, but how they utilize that understanding remains their own decision.

Skeptics might contend that psychoanalysis lacks scientific validity. After all, how can one measure the effectiveness of interventions on mental processes? Initially pioneered by Sigmund Freud, psychoanalysis employs informal dialogues to uncover unconscious dynamics, often involving extended discussions that may last for years, including in-depth explorations of childhood. This contrasts sharply with cognitive behavioral therapy (CBT), which utilizes specific exercises aimed at altering immediate thoughts and behaviors, such as more aggressive strategies to “reconstruct” experiences.

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Grosz has drawn comparisons to Anton Chekhov and Oliver Sacks.
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Nowadays, CBT is often the preferred initial treatment for various mental health issues, yet clinical trials indicate that psychoanalysis effectively enhances well-being. Labour of Love offers a captivating exploration of this process through the stories of Gross’s patients and acquaintances.

Take Sophie, for example. When Gross first meets her, she’s engaged, but despite her hopes for a future marriage, she hesitates to send out any invitations. She is plagued by haunting dreams about her parents’ demise. Together, they eventually trace this fear back to her parents and their loss, which occurred before Sophie was born. She dreads any changes that might separate her from them.

Often, individuals’ issues stem from a fear of losing their identity. “A crucial distinction exists between surrendering to something (or someone) and submitting to it,” Gross asserts. Submissions equate to transactions and involve relinquishing control, whereas mutual surrender fosters vitality, empowerment, and acceptance. In that space, love can flourish.

The journey to comprehend Labour of Love is not straightforward. As the title implies, understanding both ourselves and our beloved requires consistent effort.

Grosz is a compelling writer whose thoughtful narratives frequently illuminate the complexities of human experiences. A review of his earlier work, Researched Life, likened him to literary figures such as Anton Chekhov and Oliver Sacks. His storytelling shines particularly when illustrating the intertwined lives of fellow psychoanalysts. For instance, during Cola’s death, Paul connects deeply with Cola’s family while sitting shiva. In this poignant moment, he finds solace in Susan’s presence.

This scene encapsulates the contradictions inherent in love, as Grosz elaborates: “Susan and Paul loved, resented, married, and divorced. Yet, even during this challenging period, they remained a couple. Their love continued to evolve.”

David Robson is the author of The Law of Connection: 13 Social Strategies That Transform Your Life

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The (Cute) Reasons Why Your Dog Loves to Make You Laugh

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Charles Darwin observed that dogs exhibit a sense of humor in between their other activities like studying bird beaks or riding giant turtles.

In his work, The Origin of Man, Darwin recounted a dog playing a prank by dropping a stick near its owner, then running off with it when the owner tried to pick it up. Darwin suggested that the dog found this prank amusing.

This scenario is familiar to many dog owners, prompting the question of whether dogs are truly aspiring comedians or if there’s something else going on.

Dogs are descendants of wolves, which are highly social animals that live in packs, leading to dogs also being social creatures by nature.

It is instinctual for dogs to interact with humans and other animals in their group, attempting to elicit a response, whether through a playful bow, a wagging tail, or even attempting to open the fridge for a snack.

Human ancestors began domesticating dogs over 30,000 years ago, and selective breeding has further shaped their behavior, making them more playful and less timid compared to their wolf ancestors.

Dogs essentially remain forever young mentally, displaying a mischievous nature that stems from their lack of mental maturation.

Some dog breeds are more playful than others, with Irish setters and English springer spaniels considered more clumsy while Samoyeds and Chihuahuas are seen as more serious.

During play, dogs may exhibit “play panting” vocalizations and wag their tails, which can help alleviate stress.

This behavior has been described as a “dog laugh,” reflecting the pleasurable experiences that elicit laughter among humans. However, it does not necessarily mean that dogs possess a sense of humor or are intentionally trying to make people laugh.

If dogs engage in playful antics like stealing sticks, it’s likely for fun rather than intentional comedy. Dogs are adept at reading human emotions and social cues, understanding that laughter is positive. Consequently, if stealing a stick leads to laughter, the dog is more likely to repeat the behavior.

While it may seem like dogs are intentionally trying to be funny, they might simply be responding to the joy and reduced stress their actions bring to humans.

In the end, only the dog truly knows if it’s intentionally trying to make us laugh. Until we can communicate with dogs more effectively, the joke may remain on us.

This article is in response to a query from Joseph Bennett of Manchester: Is my dog intentionally trying to make me laugh?

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Source: www.sciencefocus.com

Using scientific evidence to determine if your dog truly loves you

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Scientists who study non-human animals do not use the word “love” in their published papers. Ironically, most animal behavior scientists were initially drawn to this topic due to their profound and enduring interest in animals.

However, researchers have traditionally been trained not to use anthropomorphic terms such as “love” to describe the emotions of non-human animals. Instead, they use terms like “temperament” and “positive cognitive bias” to avoid anthropomorphism. Though this strict stance on using human terminology for non-humans is starting to soften, due in part to the usefulness of certain terms in describing animal behavior and strong evolutionary reasons to believe that non-human animals are not completely dissimilar to humans.

Observing dog behavior makes it clear that dogs are deeply in love with humans, although some may refer to it as “hypersocial” or “socially obsessed.” There are also questions about how to recognize and define “love” in non-human animals who lack the linguistic capabilities to communicate their emotions.

Various studies have examined dogs’ sensitivity to human emotional states and physiological responses, such as separation anxiety and heart rate changes. These studies shed light on the complex relationship between dogs and humans and suggest that dogs may indeed experience emotions similar to love.

Credit: Justin Padgett

On the other hand, some behaviors that appear affectionate may be vestigial or instinctual rather than expressions of genuine affection. For example, wolves, dogs’ closest ancestors, use behaviors such as “kissing” as part of their natural interactions. Physiological research on heart rate, hormones, and brain activity provides further evidence of the bond between dogs and humans.

Researchers have found that both dogs and humans experience a decrease in heart rate after being reunited, indicating a physiological connection. Similarly, the hormone oxytocin, known for its role in human bonding, is also involved in dog-human bonding.

Furthermore, fMRI images of dog brains show activity in the reward center when dogs are near their owners, suggesting a positive emotional response. This evidence, combined with dogs’ ability to form associations and respond to human cues, implies a deep emotional bond between dogs and humans.

Source: www.sciencefocus.com