IS Lara Croft Hot? This is the question that has been troubling us for nearly three decades. She made her debut on the cover of Face Magazine in 1997 alongside the tagline “larger than Pammy.” TV special aimed at uncovering the “real” tomb raider. But what does science have to say about it? In a world where American academics are hesitant to use the term “woman” without jeopardizing their research funding, it is reassuring to see that a betting site named Casino Days has taken on this important task and recently compiled a list of “the top 10 most attractive video game characters according to science.”

Using the so-called “golden ratio” – which assesses beauty based on facial proportions – the company discovered that Lara Croft ranks as the second most attractive video game character in the virtual realm. Ultimately, claiming the top spot is Geralt of Rivia from The Witcher series.

The rest of the rankings include Arthur Morgan from Red Dead Redemption in fifth place and Yennefer of Vengerberg from The Witcher in eighth place. What’s most surprising about these findings is not the ongoing fixation on the attractiveness of video game characters, but rather the enduring popularity of these familiar faces. When will we see Guybrush Threepwood on the list? Mario must be wondering when his turn is. Sporting a pointed, pixelated chest is one thing, but coordinating the hat with the shirt under those dungarees during a hard day of plumbing? That takes dedication. Consistency. Blessing.

Real scientists, this time, have discovered that “good behavior” can make one’s face appear even more attractive to others – with sincerity being deemed more attractive than deceit, but men losing points for appearing aggressive. So, judging video game characters based on the symmetrical perfection of their faces seems somewhat antiquated.

According to “science,” the most captivating video game characters include Bella Goth from The Sims, Harvey from Stardew Valley, King of Hyrule, the Red Ghost from Pac-Man, and Flo from Diner Dash. If we continue to assert rankings and ratings on each other, even hundreds of years later, why stop now – can’t we at least tone down our desires a bit? Can’t we acknowledge the allure of the perpetually fiery king in those mobile game advertisements?

Unfortunately, a press release from Casino Days has crowned Princess Zelda as the most attractive video game character. Not only is this tragic due to its sexist undertones, but also because Zelda embodies a multitude of femininity. Does she have too many resemblances to Ganondorf, and like Princess Peach before her, can’t she catch a break without being objectified? The text itself highlights the dangers of being cute and blonde in a world dominated by malevolence, forcing Zelda to constantly assert her identity as cute rather than just blonde. Will she have to reveal more skin to prove her worth? (Most likely, yes. Those Bokoblins mean business.)

We are living in a time of significant transformations and upheavals. And by that, I don’t mean that World War III is looming on the horizon. I mean that the women in games are getting a facelift, with Ciri in Witcher 4 likely lost some of her allure because she matured. So, amidst all the chaos and evil in our world, some things remain constant – everyone can agree that from left to right (B, A, start) – Lara Croft and Geralt of Rivia are hot. Regardless of what comes next, it’s evident that we will continue to debate the attractiveness of lines of code for years to come.