In today’s fast-paced digital landscape, I often find myself glued to my smartphone. Like many in the United States, I turn to various apps for news, from social media posts to podcasts and newsletters. However, amidst the chaos—like the unfolding protests in Minneapolis—I’ve noticed an unsettling trend: the more I consume, the lonelier I feel.

This isn’t a new phenomenon; it’s been a topic of discussion among sociologists for nearly 80 years. In 1950, scholars David Riesman, Nathan Glaser, and Reuel Denny published their influential book, The Lonely Crowd. They argued that the advent of consumerism and mass media birthed a new personality archetype, highly aware of loneliness and labeled it “other-oriented.” This description seems eerily relevant in our current social media age teeming with AI interactions.

Individuals who are other-oriented are constantly attuned to their peers, often using social cues to shape their choices related to purchases, fashion, and opinions. With their values stemming from contemporaries rather than historical influencers, they tend to prioritize present experiences over tradition. Riesman and his colleagues cautioned that an excessive focus on others can lead to a crippling fear of solitude.

These traits are starkly embodied in our engagement with social media, characterized by peer pressure, superficial connections, and even the growing surveillance culture. As we monitor one another, companies develop applications that simulate camaraderie, leaving us more isolated. This illustrates inherent risks of AI chatbots that are engineered to masquerade as companions.

There exists a contradiction within our social desires. While we yearn for inclusion, we also crave individuality. Riesman et al. contend that consumerism often creates a faux sense of unique identity. Consider the experience of browsing a rack of nearly identical polo shirts; selecting one may foster feelings of individuality, but fundamentally, they remain similar to one another.

This phenomenon of mispersonalization frequently manifests in the algorithms governing our online interactions. Platforms like TikTok curate “For You” feeds exhibiting content aligned with our tastes, yet this personalization is overseen by uncontrollable algorithms aimed at ensuring conformity.

As individuals shaped by external influences, we often find ourselves expressing our identities through group interactions, as advertisements prompt us to “join the conversation.” We generate content for the internet, portraying our lives through the lens of shared experiences.

Still, many of us wrestle with the lingering sensation of loneliness. This disconnect can be attributed to the variance between real-life relationships and those formed in digital spaces. Moreover, it may relate to the personality shift chronicled in The Lonely Crowd. By focusing excessively on others, we risk neglecting our genuine, idiosyncratic desires. Without self-awareness, meaningful connections with others become elusive.

Riesman and his collaborators proposed two solutions. First, they emphasized the need to reclaim our leisure time from the all-consuming media landscape. They argued that our vigilance towards peers often resembles labor, advocating for more playful engagement with life. Their second suggestion urged individuals, particularly children, to explore new identities and experiences. Reflect on activities you enjoy when not dictated by external definitions of “fun.” Try something novel, don vibrant or whimsical clothing, or chat with an unfamiliar neighbor. Allow yourself to be surprised and embrace experimentation.

Remember, neither a “For You” feed nor an AI chatbot can define your identity. So, take a break from your devices, engage in unexpected activities, and rediscover who you are.

What I Am Reading
Notes from the Kingslayer, A captivating narrative of rebellion and familial bonds by Isaac Ferman.

What I See
Fierce rivalry, Because I know how to embrace enjoyment.

What I Am Working On
I’m exploring Sogdiana, my favorite ancient diaspora culture.

Annalee Newitz is a science journalist and author. Their latest book is Automatic Noodles. They co-host the Hugo Award-winning podcast Our Opinion Is Correct. Follow @annaleen and visit their website: techsploitation.com.